RECOGNISING THE VANISHING MAN
Some common words and phrases used to describe this phase of the Vanishing Man experience include 'disassociated', 'untethered', 'unsure', 'closed', 'lost', 'broken', 'overwhelmed', 'lonely', 'self-sabotaging', and 'trapped in a golden cage'. [see 'Recognising the symptoms'].
This element of the project deals with enabling the 'Vanishing Man' to recognise what's happening. Research shows that he may not know or be able to articulate his experience right now, but is aware that the feeling of being 'untethered' has been creeping up on him for several years.
In their prime, many men are defined by the roles they play—providers, protectors, professionals, and partners. These identities are often intertwined with external validation, achievements, and responsibilities. However, as men transition into their middle age and beyond, several factors contribute to the "vanishing" sensation:
- Career Plateaus or Transitions: By their 50s, many men have reached the zenith of their careers. The excitement of climbing the professional ladder diminishes, and they may face either a plateau or a forced retirement. The resulting lack of professional challenges can lead to a loss of motivation and purpose.
- Changing Family Dynamics: Children growing up and becoming independent can leave men feeling less central to their family’s daily lives. The nurturing role that once demanded so much time and energy diminishes, sometimes leading to feelings of redundancy.
- Evolving Relationships: Long-term relationships may suffer from complacency. The initial excitement and passion can wane, making men feel unappreciated or disconnected from their partners.
- Health and Physical Changes: Aging brings about physical changes that can affect self-perception and confidence. Decreasing vitality and health issues can make men feel less capable and more invisible in a society that often glorifies youth.
For the 'Parent' or 'Partner', this might be a feeling of disassociation with the family or spouse / partner, not being at the heart of things any longer, somehow being on the outside, looking in, not quite needed in the same way any more by growing up kids or a long spousal relationship. To quote a good friend of mine 'Dad used to be the rock of the family, now he's become the stone they all stub their toes on'!
For the 'Professional', the 'Vanishing Man' spectrum might run from simply feeling undervalued after many years of experience, maybe feeling displaced after being moved out of a leadership or decision making role, to the extreme end of being overwhelmed by a job that no longer offers satisfaction to the point of being detrimental to health and mental well being, the syndrome commonly described as 'burnout'.
['What does burnout look like at the behavioural, physical and emotional levels?']
At this 'Recognising' stage of the project there are a number of questions that can guide Vanishing Man toward greater self-awareness, helping him pinpoint the origins of his feelings.
- What does "vanishing" mean to me—am I feeling unseen, unheard, unimportant, or something else?
- When did I first start feeling this way, and what might have triggered it?
- Are there specific moments or situations where I feel most invisible or disconnected?
- Have the roles that once defined me changed, and how do I feel about those changes?
* If you have been, or are currently, affected by any of the issues briefly mentioned above and would like to join our research programme, or talk in confidence, please get in touch.